In Chicago, the dead vote. In Zimbabwe, the dead (will) govern

President Robert Mugabe, 92 years old, frequently leaves his country for health care in Singapore and Dubai.  Given his advanced age, each leave elicits questions/hopes that maybe this is finally it.  Maybe he won’t be coming back to wreck further havoc on his country.

Mugabe crushed many hopes by reappearing Saturday after a prolonged absence.  And what did he have to say? Here’s the transcript:

“It is true that I was dead,” the world’s oldest head of state said. “And I resurrected. As I always do.”

“Are we speaking to a ghost?” someone asked him.

“Once I get back to my country, I am real,” Mugabe said.

Zimbabweans shouldn’t worry so much about his health though because Mrs. Mugabe told citizens that her husband “would rule from the grave.”  How reassuring! That’s gives new meaning to the phrase “president for life.”

For the person that has everything…

Just in time for early Christmas shopping, Hangzhou sculptors have created clay figurines of the G20 leaders, each on top of the world and with doves on their shoulder.

Here are some photos:

Chinese-artists-showcase-cultural-heritage-with-clay-figurines-during-G20-800x450figurines

Figurines Of G20 Country Leaders Made To Welcome G20 Hangzhou Summit

HANGZHOU, CHINA – AUGUST 28: Image shows the figurines of Russian president Vladimir Putin (L), Chinese president Xi Jinping (C) and American president Barack Obama on August 28, 2016 in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province of China. Folk artist Wu Xiaoli made the figurines of G20 country leaders to welcome the upcoming 2016 G20 Hangzhou Summit. (Photo by Long Wei/VCG via Getty Images)

I’m curious who the sculptors chose as Brazil’s leader:  Dilma, Temer, Neymar Jr.?

h/t @ianbremmer

When Assad gives you lemons…..

People, take a moment to empathize with Syria’s tourism minister (TM).  He’s probably some Alawite cousin or brother in law of the Big Eye Doc (BED) and viewed the job as a money and gift machine.

Now comes the war and carnage and horror that is Syria, but the crazy-ass Eye Doc is somehow in his office checking the stats on tourists and is NOT HAPPY.

Then this happens:

BED: Hey TM, our tourist numbers are in the toilet on your watch. You are the worst TM in the history of Syria. Our country is beautiful, the food is awesome, the history exceptional. Any idiot could sell us to tourists, in fact that’s why I was OK with appointing you.  I am thinking of transferring you to a street sweeper job in Aleppo unless you really wow me with your presentation.

TM: Never fear BED, just peep my bitchin’ new video. To save money, I composed and performed the soundtrack myself.