That’s Dr. Dis-Grace to you peons

The first lady of Zimbabwe, Grace Mugabe, enrolled in a doctoral program in Sociology at the University of Zimbabwe back in July.

 

Now word comes that, two months later, She has earned her PhD!

 

“According to the state owned Herald Newspaper, her thesis was on the changing social structure and functions of the family which involved a study in a children’s home.”

 

She was hooded by the Chancellor of the University. Perhaps you’ve heard of him, his name is Bobby Mugabe!

 

Greatness just runs in some families.

 

Hat tip to SS

 

Welcome to Mugabeland

Zimbabwe is daydreaming about a Disneyland-Africa at Victoria Falls. It actually seems reasonable when you consider that the UN made Zimbabwe the host country for their World Tourism Organization general assembly. Why wouldn’t the Mouse want a piece?

Apparently one of Mugabeland’s major attractions will be a log-ride that washes your money!

Here’s the pithy essence from the BBC:

“We think it should be modelled along the size and the kind of vision that is on Disneyland, including hotels, entertainment parks, restaurants, conferencing facilities. This is the vision and we need people who can run with it.”

Mr Mzembi earlier told Zimbabwe’s official news agency New Ziana that the government wanted to create a free zone with a banking centre “where even people who do not necessarily live in Zimbabwe can open bank accounts” .

He announced the plans at the UN World Tourism Organisation general assembly, which Zimbabwe is co-hosting with Zambia.

C’mon people, sing along with me, “It’s a shitty world after all, it’s a shitty world after all, it’s a shitty, shitty world”

 

 

Add “Bad Winner” to Mugabe’s many, many faults

bobby_mugabe

If I were to list Robert Mugabe’s faults, it would be hard to know where to start.  From this Africa Review article though, I apparently have to add “bad dresser” and “bad winner” to the list.  I can’t say about his outfits (and Kevin disagrees with me, proclaiming them “awesome”), but perhaps the bad winner part of his personality is coming to the fore because he knows he didn’t actually win.

First there was the pre-election reaction to comments made by the US:

“President Robert Mugabe on Thursday rebuked the “insane” US for criticising his push for elections without key reforms and told it to keep its “pink nose” out of Zimbabwe’s affairs. “America must be mad, absolutely insane,” President Mugabe, who is seeking to extend his 33-year rule.”

After the election, he had this to say about whether the election was fair and free:

“We are delivering democracy on a platter,” he said. “We say take it or leave it, but the people have delivered democracy.”

And in case the opposition didn’t get the message, he made it even more clear:

“The 89-year-old ruler, making his first public speech since he defeated long time foe, Mr Morgan Tsvangirai, said his win was a victory against the West and their puppets. “Those who were hurt by defeat can go hang if they so wish,” said President Mugabe in a speech delivered during commemorations to honour the country’s liberation war heroes. “Even if they die, dogs will not eat their flesh,” he added. “Never will we go back on our victory.” [Note: this may be a translation error, but what is up with the word “even” here? does he think the opposition is immortal?]

Wow, very presidential.  Given the fact that he ran on indigenising more than 1,000 companies and re-introducing the Zim dollar, I’m not optimistic about the future of the Zimbabwean economy.

 

What could possibly go wrong?

Wow. Bobby Mugabe just opened his latest campaign for president. He’s 89, he’s lost at least the last two elections, but he’s still president, he’s still running hard, and he still is a very snappy dresser:

 

And, he and his surrealistic party ZANU-PF, have an amazing plan to fix Zimbabwe:

In the 108 pages of Zanu-PF’s election manifesto, the word “indigenisation” appears at least 156 times.

The party is not coy about this, declaring: “Only the indigenisation and people’s empowerment reform programme can meet the goals of the people. There is no other alternative.”

Under its plan, 1138 companies across 12 different sectors would be targeted over the next five years. The party believes the takeovers would realise $7.3billion in assets for the government.

The value of these assets would then be used as security against borrowings, which, Zanu-PF believes, would ultimately create total value of $29.2billion. The money would be used to rebuild the country’s infrastructure, support agriculture, and fund education and health.

 

People, after a government nationalizes 1138 companies, how many foreign lenders will be knocking on the door offering to loan them money?

 

 

 

 

Zimbabwe, part 2

fb_mugabe

I’ve never been a bigger fan of Facebook than after reading this article about an anonymous Zimbabwean (aka Baba Jukwa, or “father of Jukwa”) tormenting Mugabe and the ruling party via social media.

Baba Jukwa claims to be a “a genuine insider’s account of the factional battles and corruption with President Robert Mugabe’s Zanu-PF.”  He has posted numerous stories on the evil doings of party members, including tales of “rape, murder and corruption.” One of the best parts of the story is that he often gives out the said evildoer’s mobile phone number and urges concerned citizens to call them with their questions and complaints.

Some have questioned whether Baba Jukwa’s stories are credible, but the government (and its mouthpiece newspapers) certainly seems to be rattled.  For instance,

The Herald newspaper labeled Baba Jukwa’s posts as a “destructive, malicious… an imperialist takeover… working to destroy the revolutionary party from within by engaging in malicious and unholy alliances with the MDC-T party”.

In addition, Mugabe’s party, Zanu-PF, is “offering large rewards for the true identity of Baba Jukwa.”

So far more than 93,000 people have officially “liked” the FB page, which is a lot given the population of Zimbabwe is only 12 million, but “it is widely believed that many more follow him anonymously.”

This story makes me very happy.

Zimbabwe round-up, part 1

Two stories about Zimbabwe recently caught my attention.  The first is the news that Robert Mugabe and his family starred in a 2 1/2 hour reality television program. I’ll discuss it this morning and the second awesome piece of Zimbabwe news later this afternoon.

Here are some nuggets from the reality show:

1. Apparently, the Mugabe family all love each other very much (good to know, they could be the only ones).  They also hold Margaret Thatcher in great esteem (somehow I doubt it was mutual), but regards Tony Blair as fundamnetally dishonest.  They apparently call him Tony Bliar around the house (I’m sure Blair is very broken up about this. Mugabe, a well-known homophobe, once referred to Blair’s government as “the gay government of the gay United Kingdom“).

2. The sycophantic director asked Mugabe about his current wife Grace, who he started seeing while his first wife Sally was terminally ill.  The answer is truly unbelievable, even for Bobby:

“Mugabe blinks, as if holding back tears, and says: ‘Although it might have appeared cruel, I said to myself well, it’s not just myself needing children . . . my mother has all the time said “Am I going to die without seeing grandchildren?”

‘So I decided to make love to her. She happened to be one of the nearest and she was a divorcee herself. And so it was.’
Asked what Sally thought of his infidelity, Mugabe replies: ‘I did tell her and she just kept quiet and said “fine”.’

I’m sure the Zimbabwean public love him even more after hearing that touching story.